Mothers Day And Other Special Days

Posted on May 15, 2012 by nicky

How was your Mother’s Day?  I like the concept of Mothers Day, not always the commercialisation of it, putting some expectation on people that they must spend big dollars on the Mother’s in their life.  For me that is not what it is all about, it is about being appreciated.  While gifts are lovely, having a few things done for you on the day is wonderful.

My Mum shared one of her favourite memories of Mothers Day with me on the day.  She remembers many years ago my youngest brother coming to her and giving her a Violet Crumble bar (one of her favourites) and saying ‘lets go for a bike ride’.  They then went on a lovely bike ride together.

For me this year the day started early with my Son roaring into our bedroom like a herd of elephants and giving me a cuddle.  Later, at a more reasonable hour of the morning, Son and Daughter brought me their creations from school.  There were cards in English and French and some beautiful bookmarks.  Daughter had also made me a figure from toilet rolls and an assortment of items (see photo).

At lunch we met with my Mum at a local cafe and had a lovely lunch before returning home to spend some time gathered around the fire in the lounge room.  He created some beautiful smells by slow roasting a pork roast which filled us up beautifully at dinner time.

A wonderful day with beautiful food without having to lift a finger and with plenty of hugs and kisses and assurances about how much I was apreciated and loved.  To me that is what Mothers Day is about, taking the time to pause and think about what your Mother means to you and to be grateful. 

‘When is kids day?’, Son asked.  I told him that every day was kids day in our household.  It did get me thinking about the different days we have and don’t have to appreciate people.  We celebrate the Mum’s and Dad’s, what about Friends, or Relative days.  We often have people in our lives that we really appreciate, maybe a friend or relative or a child.  How often do we tell these people that we appreciate them?  We don’t have a special day for them so we can often forget in the day to day rush of life.  That is my challenge for you this week, think about the people in your life that you really appreciate and go tell them!  Let me know how you go.

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Where Did You Get That Idea?

Posted on May 8, 2012 by nicky

Have you ever had one of those experiences that goes something like this.  You spend time working on something, it could be a project in your shed, something at work or in your business, you consider all the options on how you will do something or you spend hours reviewing something until you think it is as good as it gets.  You are feeling pretty happy with progress, you reckon you’ve got all the bases covered.  Then …

Your significant other or work colleague walks in and you show them what you have been doing, show off your masterpiece.  Without a second of thinking, or so it seems to you, they fire back something that flings you back in your chair or against the wall, taking your breath away.  Wow, why didn’t I think of doing it that way, or adding that information?  You thought you had it all sorted and they have just added another idea.

It was like that for me last Thursday when I attended a business group with people in similar businesses.  We were talking about some aspects of my business and they came up with some great ideas, things that seem so obvious now but hadn’t occurred to me before the day.

I am sure I am not alone in this experience.  Getting other viewpoints or comments on what you are doing can really help you along.  This is why mastermind or similar groups work so well.  Talking things over with a significant other or friends also works.  For me I often take things to Him to comment on and get valuable feedback and questions.  Often in explaining things you also get some insights and ideas.

So next time you think you have all bases covered, do a double check.  Same goes if you are at the opposite end of the spectrum wondering how to resolve issues in your life, talking to someone may well give you the spark you need to find solutions.  If you are coming up to retirement and unsure about what the future holds for you, talking to those who have already retired, or those around you can give you some ideas.  If we are talking retirement lifestyle planning then talking to a specialist like myself (https://my.timedriver.com/8TXVS to book a 30 minute chat) for a short time can be enough to set you off on a more certain path.

Your task for this week is to remember this as you go through the week.  When you need some ideas talk to someone – who knows what ideas it might spark off!

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Are You Volunteering?

Posted on May 1, 2012 by nicky

One of the things that I always suggest people consider when planning their retirement is to consider some altruistic activities, doing some volunteering or some sort of activity that involves giving back.  There are so many opportunities out there whether it be volunteering to assist with things like Meals on Wheels, helping with some local charity or being a volunteer guide at an institution.  There are many opportunities out there to match your personality and interests.

I believe this is important to consider at all times of life, not just when you retire.  Research has shown that participating in these types of activities can increase our levels of happiness.  Helping others in some way leaves most of us feeling good.

Practicing what I preach I am on our local P&C Committee and this year I am in the Treasurer’s position.  While I don’t have a lot of spare time, I figured that I would be able to fit this in as it is only a small school so there aren’t too many transactions happening.

The first thing I found after being elected in March was that the previous years accounts had not been audited.  A few weeks after the AGM the previous Treasurer gave all the paperwork was given to the guy who we had selected to audit the accounts.  He very kindly does them on a volunteer basis.  He was tied up with sorting out some other accounts and didn’t get to ours until a couple of weeks ago.  The first message I got was that there were two years of accounts to audit.  A week later I got the message that more work needed to be done on the accounts before they could be audited.  I ended up meeting with our auditor late last week and he very kindly spent some time going through some of the inconsistencies and requirements.

From there I had the detective hunt of finding the documentation and modifying the spreadsheets.  It was not a case of any improper use of funds or any diddling of the books, it was just a case of my predecessor not having the same sort of organised, logical mind as the auditor and me, plus some lack of understanding on how to set out the spreadsheets.  It took me the best part of a day and had my head spinning but at the end of it I had a neat folder with all the documentation in order.

While this was not what I expected when I took over the position, it has been a wonderful learning experience, I have got a much greater understanding of how to set up the accounts for this year and keep things in order so that everything can easily be tallied at the end of the year.  From now the position should be more as I had envisaged.

What are the lessons from this that I wanted to share with you this week?  The first one is the one I talked about at the top, incorporating some sort of volunteer activity into your life.  If you are really time poor then you could consider donating money instead of time.  The other thing was how often experiences turn out to give you some benefit that you hadn’t expected.  In this case I understand so much more about the accounts and setting them up.  In other circumstances it could be the opportunity to meet someone, learn something different or just experiencing the joy of someone benefitting from the knowledgy or help that you are passing on to them.

Let me know below with a comment what volunteer activities you do or are considering and what unexpected benefits you may have got out of an experience.

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What Will Your Routine Be?

Posted on April 24, 2012 by nicky

I was thinking back over the week and what has been happening and what might inspire a blog post.  It was fairly routine, the kids are on school holidays which is slightly different, He did take the kids away for a night down the coast.  Otherwise we were around home with fairly normal things happening – the odd outing, play date and so on.  I was working and spending some time with the kids. 

Routines change slightly for school holidays in that we are more relaxed about bed times and we have the kids around during the days so we will often be doing some things with them.  The kids are still at an age where they get up earlyish in the morning, they haven’t shown any desire to spend the morning sleeping in, I’m sure that will change in years to come.  They seem to slip easily into their own little holiday routines with a bit of TV and then eventually some breakfast, generally getting dressed somewhere along the way.

Planning your routines for retirement is the last part of the FIRST Lifestyle Retirement Plan, thinking about what your typical day will look like.  For most people this doesn’t mean getting to the point of having your week mapped out and knowing what you will be doing every half hour, though some people might find comfort in going to this detail.  It is more about getting a general feel for what some of your patterns might be.  If you are thinking of changing your lifestyle because you are retiring, or for some other reason, think about some of these questions:

  • What time do you want to get up?
  • Do you want to use an alarm clock?
  • Will you have a different routine for weekends?
  • Will you eat at the same times, eat the same things or have a different diet as you will have more time to prepare food?
  • How much time do you want to spend at home?
  • What hobbies will you pursue at home?
  • What will you do for exercise?
  • Are there any other things you want to fit into your daily routine, for example meditation, a walk or watching a particular TV program?

And so the list can go on.  When you are pondering questions such as these and considering the new structure of your life it is important to take a step back from the detail first and consider how you want your ‘new life’ to look or feel overall.  For instance do you see your retirement being a fairly relaxed time, going at a slower pace than your current routines, or maybe you see it as being fairly full?  Understanding how you think or feel your retirement, or new life, will be can then help you consider some of the answers to the questions above and ensure you achieve that aim.  Let me know how you go with considering your new routines. 

 

 

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Art And Creativity, Get Your Share Today

Posted on April 17, 2012 by nicky

“Art – the inspiration of a heart shown”

I was reminded of this quote the other day as I walked onto the verandah and Son asked if it was OK to build something.  “It’s good to use your imagination isn’t it?”, he asked.  I looked at the pile of bricks and bits of wood that he had collected from around the garden and put on the verandah and agreed.  I set off for my shed to exercise my creative spirit, or at least tidy up a bit so I could get to things and find them so I could get creative.

Some time later I returned to the house and realised that maybe I should have been a little more specific about creativity and building.  There, on the carpet of the rumpus room floor, was a pile of dirty bricks and wood.  I will admit that they were arranged creatively into something approaching a space craft or similar.  The dust and cobwebs that had already fallen off or were still attached were in plain view.  While you could have said they contributed to the charm or character of the sculpture if they were outside, they somewhat spoiled my appreciation of the art when on the carpet.

Often as we go through life we can forget to nurture our creativity, it becomes overcome by the pressures of daily life and requirements to ‘do’ so many things.  It reminds me of Lego.  When I was a kid you got a whole heap of different blocks and used your imagination to make various things.  Nowadays you buy kits to build specific things and get instructions with them.  I wonder how many kids end up like Son with a container full of the various Lego bits and go back to using their imagination to make them into various forms.

Having a creative outlet which enables you to get in touch with your creativity is a great way of boosting your mind and spirit.  It can be all sorts of things from art and craft type activities to music to creative dance to woodwork.  As the quote suggests it is about getting in touch with your heart, so to speak, allowing your inner creativity loose on something as opposed to blindly copying something.  For example, in the kitchen, creating your own recipe or adapting an existing one.  Or it could be coming up with your own design for a patchwork quilt or a piece of woodwork.  Whatever it is consider including it as an activity for retirement, or something that can be started now and continued into retirement.  Share a comment below on what sort of creative activities you do or intend to take up.

In case you are wondering about the source of the quote, it is the words of Son when he was 8 years old.

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New Taste Sensations

Posted on April 11, 2012 by nicky

We, as in Dog and me, were out for a walk the other morning when Dog did a poo.  Nothing unusual in that so far, something red caught my eye and I looked to see that something appeared to be in her poo.  I decided I had better check it out so I got a stick and poked it and to my surprise the red unfolded itself and turned out to be one of those silicon cup cake holders.  They are the ones you can use for muffins or cup cakes instead of the ususal paper ones (see the photo).  He had cooked muffins some days earlier so I guessed that was when this one had started its journey through Dog.

As I discussed later with Him, I decided not to retrieve this particular silicon muffin case.  Even though it could be washed and technically speaking would probably be as clean as all the others, psychologically we weren’t sure that it would spark our appetites knowing where it had been!  We were then talking about how people can eat a dish without knowing what it is and enjoy it until they find out what it really is.  Some people have a psychological aversion to some meats such as kangaroo or offal and you hear how they will refuse to eat them or suddenly change their opinion of a dish when it is revealed to them what it really is. 

It is intersting how we form certain opinions about food and different combinations of it.  Son has been badgering me for several days to have popcorn.  He didn’t just want plain popcorn, he had decided that he wanted to try melted cheese over it.  I hadn’t heard of this combination before and finally gave in to the pressure last night, making popcorn, covering it with grated cheese and putting it under the grill.  Both Son and Daughter then dug into it and announced it was delicious.  I overcame my hesitation and tried a bit, it was OK, not on the top of my list of culinary delights but definitely palatable.

Talking of unusual combinations I gave Him another cook book this week called ‘Waste not want not’ which has all sorts of interesting recipes for leftovers.  It has a couple of popcorn ones including spicy popcorn and chocolate popcorn – no cheese popcorn though.

All this got me thinking about expanding your existing repertoire of tastes and recipes.  You can do this at any time of life, retirement can provide an excellent opportunity as you change the structure of your life.  You may have more time to prepare meals, often you will be at home for more meals and this can open up the opportunity to try new things.  Looking through His new book it has some fascinating combinations from sweet scrambled eggs with cornflakes, potato pancakes with apple and florentine style fish fingers on a spinach base.  Maybe you have some unusual favourites that you can share, leave a comment below and let us know.  Let us know what unusual things you try this week.

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Appreciate Life Now

Posted on April 3, 2012 by nicky

I was chatting with a friend the other day and she mentioned how she was planning for her 60th birthday in a couple of months.  I made some comment about it being a big one to celebrate and she said how she always celebrates her birthdays, it is another year she is alive as she put it.  As I was thinking of how many of us let our birthdays pass without much celebration as the years go by, she went on to explain why she does celebrate.

Twenty four years ago she was spending the day watching her husband racing his boat.  He had one of these big, powerful race boats.  At one point he flipped the boat during a race.  She wasn’t too bothered as he had flipped a couple of times in the past and been OK.  Unfortunately it wasn’t going to be third time lucky.  Later that day she rang her 12 year old step daughter to let her know of her father’s death.  The young girl’s first question was whether her father had opened his gift in the morning – it was Father’s Day!  Life carried on for my friend and she brought up her son as a single mother.  As she said that day did her an appreciation for life that she has carried with her over the years and she now enjoys her grandchildren, one of whom shares the same birthday as one of our children.

This is a pretty extreme way of gaining an appreciation of life and all it brings you.  Having said that it is not unusual to hear of someone who has suffered loss in their life, or had a near death experience, and, similarly to my friend, have gained a different outlook and appreciation for life.  For those of us who have been fortunate enough to go through life without such devastating loss, use the story as a reminder to appreciate life, and celebrate the passing of the years.

As you enter later years and retirement, concerns about health and how ageing will affect your mind and body can take over.  Again this is an important time to celebrate what you have and can do, without letting the fears and uncertainties of what the future may hold spoil your enjoyment of the present. So if your birthday is coming, why not celebrate it, make it a big one!

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Being Grateful Can Be Difficult

Posted on March 27, 2012 by nicky

Moving HouseBack in January He had to go over to South Australia to help his mother. His mother has been in ill health some time and was in hospital over much of the Christmas period. She was finally evaluated as needing care and not being able to go back to her own house. He went over to help her with the packing up of the house and finalising details for her move into an aged care facility. He spent a couple of days over there with her and some of her friends packing up her possessions, sorting out what was being stored and kept and what was being sold and all those sort of things. He helped with various things with his mother to ensure that transition was as smooth as possible. His mother had lived in the same house for many years so is quite a change for her to move somewhere else.

After some weeks of transition from hospital, handing back the house and moving into the facility she is now in her new room.  She has a room with a kitchennette, her own toilet and shower in a pleasant facility.

Is she happy and thankful for His help? At this stage she is not and has found the transition quite difficult. At the time of the move she was agreeable, understood what was happening and agreed it was the best thing. 

This is a situation that is probably faced by many in similar circumstances or others in life where something is done to help someone where they do not appear to appreciate the effort. We can often forget that for the person going through these changes it can be a tumultuous time.  In His case, his mother is losing a lot of her independence and control over her life, she can no longer control what she eats, when she eats and so on. So often for people in this circumstance the natural thing can be to lash out at people including those close to them, without being able to see the big picture .

It is something to remember as we face change in our lives, such as retirement.  There can often be times where we can be feeling frustrated and angry and our first inclination can be to lash out or blame others if things don’t seem to be working out as we had hoped.  At times like that it is worth trying to take a step back and look at your situation without the emotion.  Sometimes you can see things in a different light , you can take some different action or be more accepting of the situation – try it sometime.

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The Search For Approval

Posted on March 20, 2012 by nicky

Stamp of approval

“Get your finger out of your nose, do you think your friends want to play with someone with snot all over their face and hands?”

This was one of my attempts to get Son to stop playing with his nose and motivate him with a reason to stop it. When I think back to this and similar comments I can see how I was starting to try and condition him to the approval syndrome – as I call it. That is the need for approval that most of us have been conditioned to and take with us through life. It can become an addiction, one that is stronger than any addiction to drugs or chocolate.

Why is it so common? Think about how we so often unwittingly raise our children on approval, do the right thing and you will be approved of. They are taught to look outside themselves for approval, when they do the right thing at school they get good marks, in turn this makes parents happy. We teach them to act a certain way to be ‘approved of’ in our society, saying things like I said to Son. As the kids grow you can see them adopt certain behaviours say around their friends to gain approval of their group.

What is the problem with this? Well if this becomes an addiction then it can lead to a life of doing things to please others, doing the ‘right’ thing and always looking for that external approval to validate yourself. You can lose yourself, lose your ability to be yourself to do the things you want to do, in case they are not approved of. You can waste your time and energy worrying about what others think of you and let this stop you from doing things.

Do other people spend time thinking about you and judging you, more likely they are probably worrying about what you might be thinking of them! It is time to approve of yourself, not to wait for others to approve of you. Having said that, if someone says something nice to you, offers you approval in some way, enjoy it, feel good about it.

This can be particularly important as you approach retirement and you will have many choices to make about how you spend your time. Will you choose what you think people believe you should do or will you go with what you really want to do without worrying about what others around you may think? So how do you change? Well, I would be kidding you if I said there was some magic button that you can switch and it was that easy. It can be a hard addiction to stop if it is well ingrained. Awareness is the first step. Spending some quiet time appreciating yourself each day can help. Some people find starting some sort of gratitude book can help them. Each day you write down things that you are grateful for, or it could be things you did for yourself, whatever works for you to help you approve of yourself. Linking up with a coach is another great way of working on this if you need that extra bit of help.

As for Son, well he is not strongly motivated by what his friends think of him so my words didn’t help much. The operation he had earlier this year on his nose removed much of the irritation and helped much more. He continues on his own happy way, enjoying approval when it comes his way, long may that last!

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Changing The Little Things

Posted on March 13, 2012 by nicky

Dog Walking

For those of you who have read my blog posts some time, I think I have mentioned before that I always walk the dog in the morning unless I need to leave early for travel or it is raining.  As she has got older she does not enjoy walking in the rain, when she was younger it did not stop her.  We walk in the morning generally around 6 AM. I enjoy this time of morning as it is fairly quiet and, depending on the time of year, around sunrise.  I have this idea that this is the best time to walk the dog.  The other day I challenged this belief.  

It had been raining earlier so I wasn’t able to walk the dog till around 9 AM.  Being just after nine most people had gone to work or school so it was quiet in a different way.  The early-morning air has its tranquillity. Although it is quiet later in the day it is different to the dawn quiet. There were quite a few people around, different people to those I would normally see.  While I enjoyed the walk I was not totally convinced that I wanted to change the time, it did surprise me that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be.

Often we go through life with certain preconceived ideas or beliefs about certain things in our life and why we must do them at certain times or in certain ways. In our early family life we adopt certain habits and ways of doing things.  As we visit friends places, leave home and are in joint households or start our own, we become aware of other options and opportunities.  It is just like now when our kids have their friends over.  You find that they often have different habits, even in the little things like whether they expect a plate with their biscuits, or whether they will be able to eat them in the rumpus room or to sit at the dining table. As we go through life we often maintain these habits as the right way to do things.

Walking the dog at a different time was only a small thing that turned out not to be too bad and something I could consider doing in the future on dark winter mornings. So while this is only a small example of trying something different in your life, it is a good example of how we often judge some things without trying the change, and who knows things might not be that ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ if we do try them.

Heading towards retirement, or at any other time of major change, is a time to thing about these ideas.  You have the opportunity to change the whole structure of your life.  While this may seem daunting, it is a great time to drill down into all those little habits we have and decide if they will still work for us, or if it is time to try a change.  Post a comment below, let me know what you could change this week.

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